dec 30 21;23

a holiday day with not enough to do to stop me grazing on christmas cheeses, crackers, choccies and ports…

i now have a not too bad portrait of Cazza under my belt, so it takes about 7 hours to get a likeness out in portrait, embroidery and appliqué …i cannot wait to get my hands on a wacom tablet. thank you mum for bringing it up in conversation otherwise I would have kept on using my less efficient way of doing things.

i was the person who hated all computer design i am now the compliant servant of the matrix so bring it on. it quite simply makes me happy in a way that struggling with real life does not. Its a hack, but fuck it its all i know…

NYE tomorrow. I’m anticipating another slow day… god there is so much to write about its overwhelming as i will bore with it all too soon,

ive had a few drinks today so note to self.. drunken facebook is a ‘not a good look” archetype , and with great reason. (had to say it all convoluted , as I’m playing with words)

went to the Oswestry cinema last night with my big sis. its not often that she ask me out, so yes will be the answer that leads me into a cultural and pleasant experience, i said yes and we had a good time watching an old film, with scratchy chunks of film that had been found and spliced in.

new year inclusion plan:


1a drink more water

2 look after mum

3 up at 6am (ambitious)

4 routine includes 2 dog walks per day/clients/ increased phone work


*this entry was considered subsequently to chat with mum, after some drinks


Boxing Day 21:56

It’s been a good few days off, especially after the usual Xmas eve family dinner was done. Xmas day mum was in a shit mood…

Watching film about robots with mum.

Next year is year of dog . Trump is a dog… it will be a testing time

Now watching family guy

New things to get….

Wacom tablet

Cs creative studio

Website update

I really couldn’t do this without mum

If I tell her, will it make her head too big?

It’s 1:37am I never stay up this late.. 1 bottle red wine

8:50am dec14

It didn’t freeze last night so Hirnant bound this morning… dreamt I was having a tutorial about my painting…66 I was saying that I liked to combine real stuff with photos and projections onto canvas. The tutor who was female asked whether I had time to do the real stuff..I insisted I did but it remained a question in my mind. There was a lot of calm water, canals and a flea market where all the interesting people met by the harbour.

Nearly 3 weeks sober. Feels good!

1:56am dec13

Dream… it seemed like the folks of Oswestry were all suddenly doing really well and becoming prosperous due to trading with what seemed like a parallel dimension of similar but (fairy ) folk. It was all week but none was to mention it. I was becoming more and more isolated by it all and after trying to raise a question to the assembled town folk and being denied I walked off alone.

I say a shadowy man walk out of a shop I was suspicious and called after him and after trying to ignore me for a while he looked at me and delivered a chilling and wide faced grin from under his hat. I perused him into a cafe where he mingled with shippers transforming himself into a “normal’ figure that I couldn’t recognise. Then a tall widened old man came up to me and whispered something into my ear , done backwards words which translated themselves in my head to “I’m here….”

then I awoke.

It was an unpleasant nightmare in fact.

6:19 am monday 11th dec

It snowed all day yesterday . It had snowed all day Saturday too. We were bound to the house after a mid morning trudge to the water meadow to let the dogs go crazy in the snow they love it, like children do .

So I managed to tidy and reorganise my room.

Although the snow has slowed down my work to a standstill so there is no money coming in, it’s been a blessing that I’ve had time to catch up on my own stuff.

Student loan deferment form pending… and this time not an easy task. Self employed , paperwork, it’s a little maddening. I Geuss that college essays had the same power. Perhaps I just refused to grow up.

Anyway it’s 6:30 am me and Oscar are tucked up in bed . It’s all good

It’s been 2 weeks since my last drink… I don’t want to jinx things by even talking about it…

Dreamt about a narrow boat on the canal… Cleaning on a train…having a stinking shit in public on the train…

I like the narrow boat bit…

mum is having her hip replacement in early next year


In bed . Family guy… Oscar had a bath.

Down the workshop earlier today . Xmas fair and Xmas light show…

I have built the frame for the big work . Now I’m fiddling about with ideas.



Dream… walking then taking bus in London, with a man. A partner, a nice one… we have two dogs , an aquarium with some rats and a tv with us. I stil have my flat somewhere… I’m trying to find out who the most successful woman artist is via google on my iPhone… then we see her . She has short dark hair , double denim, four kids and husband. She’s elfin looking with sunglasses, strolling through a rough eccentric part of town. The rats are a problem because they are going to mate and multiply. The dominant male try to shag then end up masturbating…. I’m searching to find pictures of good paintings…the Rothschilds are going back to university to find way in new world. Money is over….

Woke up with Oscar taking up all the room again. I love him so much