16th July 15:32 Monday

The book club Hoxton..

Waiting to meet a man about selling some Art..

Sadness due to memories of living here, dying here, leaving here..

Once I was in wales this place became a distant worn out page of a torn up book..when I return it all comes flooding back

Thursday 12th July 8:06am

Greggs Pride hill watching the homeless . 1hour early for dentist appointment .

Last night went well. PC and no booze. Say there sewing and letting others drink. The smell of wine was enough..

Increasingly enjoying the peace that I can create around me. I don’t have to react to everything. Turning thoughts in my mind like shining pennies



Tuesday evening 23:25

Started making an entry the other day but it deleted itself..grrrr

Aberystwyth today in my pink jeep with mum . A visit to the Art school open day at the University.

They were so welcoming and it was as if it were meant to be..

It was so thrilling , sitting in the lecture theatre listening to a lecture, going round the print room , talking to the postgrad students.. the sea view, the black and white tiled floors . A skeleton in the closet.

It was too perfect.

Mum was impressed too

We had chips on the seafront

It’s a beautiful place

Then a drive home and the anticlimax.

A sudden low in spirit. Even a run could not stave it off.. it just made the step down easier.

The decision to complete my education popped into my head with such a relief . (PHD), but the decision cuts and kills all other possibilities. Relationship, family, alcoholism. Scared stuff

By the way the holiday in Spain was great! I drove on the other side, but firstly to be amongst friends was awesome ..

Max died whilst I was away. Oscar has been affected, mum cry’s and still I have not had it affect me..