10th jan 18;08

Strange dreams last few days.. trump with fleas coming out of his mouth..can’t remember the others.

A lethargy or enursiure when it comes to writing ..

busy at work..lots of driving …

Phenybut trials have started…

too early to say if it works but I have the idea about a type of anxiety that I’m going through that makes doing still stuff so difficult…. I hope I’ve found the answer to it..

Is it jan 4? 23:17

Just removed self from flurry of desperate action. Computer related. New graphics screen in town(ie mums dining room).. I am so excited about it I know I’m going to fuck up the instillation, hav already lost small installation disc in hard drive. Is this what eager young surgeons do in theatre?

Max has got cancer , Oscar a heart murmur… Salem is a sociopath. I am into nootropic things, mum is going under for a near leg amputation… we are all so very happy that we just have each other

dec 30 21;23

a holiday day with not enough to do to stop me grazing on christmas cheeses, crackers, choccies and ports…

i now have a not too bad portrait of Cazza under my belt, so it takes about 7 hours to get a likeness out in portrait, embroidery and appliqué …i cannot wait to get my hands on a wacom tablet. thank you mum for bringing it up in conversation otherwise I would have kept on using my less efficient way of doing things.

i was the person who hated all computer design i am now the compliant servant of the matrix so bring it on. it quite simply makes me happy in a way that struggling with real life does not. Its a hack, but fuck it its all i know…

NYE tomorrow. I’m anticipating another slow day… god there is so much to write about its overwhelming as i will bore with it all too soon,

ive had a few drinks today so note to self.. drunken facebook is a ‘not a good look” archetype , and with great reason. (had to say it all convoluted , as I’m playing with words)

went to the Oswestry cinema last night with my big sis. its not often that she ask me out, so yes will be the answer that leads me into a cultural and pleasant experience, i said yes and we had a good time watching an old film, with scratchy chunks of film that had been found and spliced in.

new year inclusion plan:

1 SOBRIETY*

1a drink more water

2 look after mum

3 up at 6am (ambitious)

4 routine includes 2 dog walks per day/clients/ increased phone work

 

*this entry was considered subsequently to chat with mum, after some drinks

Boxing Day 21:56

It’s been a good few days off, especially after the usual Xmas eve family dinner was done. Xmas day mum was in a shit mood…

Watching film about robots with mum.

Next year is year of dog . Trump is a dog… it will be a testing time

Now watching family guy

New things to get….

Wacom tablet

Cs creative studio

Website update

I really couldn’t do this without mum

If I tell her, will it make her head too big?

It’s 1:37am I never stay up this late.. 1 bottle red wine

8:50am dec14

It didn’t freeze last night so Hirnant bound this morning… dreamt I was having a tutorial about my painting…66 I was saying that I liked to combine real stuff with photos and projections onto canvas. The tutor who was female asked whether I had time to do the real stuff..I insisted I did but it remained a question in my mind. There was a lot of calm water, canals and a flea market where all the interesting people met by the harbour.

Nearly 3 weeks sober. Feels good!

1:56am dec13

Dream… it seemed like the folks of Oswestry were all suddenly doing really well and becoming prosperous due to trading with what seemed like a parallel dimension of similar but (fairy ) folk. It was all week but none was to mention it. I was becoming more and more isolated by it all and after trying to raise a question to the assembled town folk and being denied I walked off alone.

I say a shadowy man walk out of a shop I was suspicious and called after him and after trying to ignore me for a while he looked at me and delivered a chilling and wide faced grin from under his hat. I perused him into a cafe where he mingled with shippers transforming himself into a “normal’ figure that I couldn’t recognise. Then a tall widened old man came up to me and whispered something into my ear , done backwards words which translated themselves in my head to “I’m here….”

then I awoke.

It was an unpleasant nightmare in fact.